Secret Spending
Marie is well-dressed and takes great pride in her appearance. She likes to spend Saturday mornings hitting the sales at her favorite department store and exploring boutiques for that one-of-a-kind fashion accessory that defines her style. If her husband, Jon, is at home when she gets back, she will leave the bags in the trunk of her car until she can bring them in without him noticing. Historically, Jon has admonished his wife for her shopping sprees even though they can afford it. He likes to keep track of everything they spend. Marie is trying to avoid a confrontation with Jon about the amount she is spending and the need to explain why she chose to buy another ________. (you fill in the blank)
At some point, Jon will notice Marie’s ever-expanding closet, or more likely the ATM withdrawals she takes on shopping days. Either way, Jon will lose trust in Marie and she will resent him for his tight reign on their finances. One way to avoid this scenario is for Marie and Jon to come to an agreement on a dollar amount that they are both comfortable for the other to spend each month. As long as they stay within the agreed amount, the other won’t question the other on how those funds were spent. Everyone needs some autonomy over their finances! It’s difficult to go from being a single person that doesn’t have to answer to anyone about how they spend their hard-earned money to a married person that needs to justify all expenditures. By having a middle ground in which each spouse has complete autonomy over a certain amount, trust can be built enhancing the relationship over time.
Addictive Behavior
Jack has had a gambling problem from the time he turned 21 and celebrated at the casino with his fraternity brothers. He’s always one more poker hand away from winning the big pot or one more spin of the roulette wheel to secure his financial future. Jack didn’t hide his love of gambling from his bride, Diane when they got married. She even enjoyed going with him to Las Vegas when he gained enough points at their local casino. Six years into their marriage Jack gambled away his paycheck the week before Christmas leaving them with nothing to buy their small children Christmas presents. Jack was embarrassed that he let himself fall prey to the casino’s electric energy and Diane was angry that he could be so insensitive. How were they going to explain to the kids that Santa forgot to leave anything under the tree?
Jack has had a gambling problem from the time he turned 21 and celebrated at the
casino with his fraternity brothers. He’s always one more poker hand away from winning the big pot or one more spin of the roulette wheel to secure his financial future. Jack didn’t hide his love of gambling from his bride, Diane when they got married. She even enjoyed going with him to Las Vegas when he gained enough points at their local casino. Six years into their marriage Jack gambled away his paycheck the week before Christmas leaving them with nothing to buy their small children Christmas presents. Jack was embarrassed that he let himself fall prey to the casino’s electric energy and Diane was angry that he could be so insensitive. How were they going to explain to the kids that Santa forgot to leave anything under the tree?
Not Enough
Elaine and Jason always seem to run out of money just before payday! Every couple of weeks they find themselves scraping by for a few days by using credit cards or digging money out of the couch for coffee. Of course, this creates additional stress and arguments due to the tension. When Elaine earned a promotion with a 10% pay increase, they still had the same cash flow issue, so they hired a Certified Financial Planner™ to figure out what was going wrong with their finances.
Elaine and Jason always seem to run out of money just before payday! Every couple of
weeks they find themselves scraping by for a few days by using credit cards or digging money out of the couch for coffee. Of course, this creates additional stress and arguments due to the tension. When Elaine earned a promotion with a 10% pay increase, they still had the same cash flow issue, so they hired a Certified Financial Planner™ to figure out what was going wrong with their finances.
Anytime you feel tension over money creating a rift in your marriage, take the time to check in with your spouse to see how to resolve the small issues before they become unmanageable.
Melissa Ellis holds a M.S. in Personal Financial Planning from the University of Missouri – Columbia. She is a fee-only CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional, CERTIFIED DIVORCE FINANCIAL ANALYST™, and founder of Financial Facets LLC and Sapphire Divorce Solutions LLC. Melissa is also a member of NAPFA and the XY Planning Network, professional organizations dedicated to supporting fee-only financial planners.